“The average adult experiences anger about once a day and becomes annoyed or peeved about three times a day.”

What is Anger?

Anger is one of our natural inbuilt ‘mammalian’ defences which is designed to keep us safe from danger. Anger is ‘fight’ and the other defences are freeze, submit, flight and attach.

We use anger to defend ourselves or to keep others at a distance as it keeps people away from us.

Anger is a healthy and useful tool if used in the right way. It is full of energy so we can achieve what we need to – whether it be asserting our boundaries or needs or defending ourselves.

Our mammalian defences are instinctual and rapid and they bypass our frontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for logic and reasoning) as this would slow down our survival responses as we react from the reptilian and limbic parts of our brains.

If our anger responses have become distorted due to childhood circumstances then our ‘software’ needs to be updated, so to speak, so that our anger response becomes a healthy defence which is used in a constructive way.

We can do this by using mindfulness techniques to develop our self-awareness of our reactions and the reasons for them.

Our Bodily Reactions

When we feel anger, our bodies prepare for action, neurotransmitter chemicals known as catecholamines are released in our brains which cause us to experience a burst of energy which can last for several minutes. This enables us to take immediate protective action. Our heart rate accelerates, blood pressure rises, our rate of breathing increases, and increased blood flow enters our limbs ready for physical action. We lock our attention onto the target of our anger. Additional brain neurotransmitters and hormones (adrenaline and noradrenaline) are released which trigger a lasting state of arousal. We are now physically primed for action.

Styles of Anger

Passive-Aggressive Anger

When people do not feel able to express their anger in a direct, assertive way they may communicate it in passive-aggressive ways such as procrastinating, being stubborn, being inefficient, teasing others or making insulting ‘jokes,’ back-handed compliments or ‘forgetting’ to do tasks. Sarcasm is also passive-aggressive if the underlying meaning is insulting in some way.

People-pleasers may express their anger in passive-aggressive ways as they may fear rejection if they express themselves honestly, or they have been conditioned in childhood to be unable to express their anger in a healthy way as they have been told that ‘anger is bad.’

They may have guilt and shame attached to expressing themselves honestly. This is because maladjusted parents will shame their children for expressing anger as they want submission from their children and anger is not submissive.

Aggressive Anger

Some people who are triggered into anger can find that they cannot control themselves, or they may become physically or emotionally aggressive or violent.

They may be very hurtful to others. This type of anger can be destructive, and it is important to learn how to manage this. Managing extreme anger can be difficult as our defence responses are run from our reptilian brains and our logical brains are ‘offline’ temporarily when we are consumed by an anger response.

Developing self-awareness and finding the root of the extreme anger reactions will be helpful. It can also be helpful to familiarise yourself with the early physical warning signs that you are becoming angry and then interrupt the escalation by taking three deep breaths, changing the environment or expressing your feelings in an assertive but not aggressive way.

Repressed Anger

If our anger responses have become distorted due to childhood circumstances, then our ‘software’ needs to be updated (through mindfulness and self-awareness) so that our anger response becomes a healthy defence which is used in a constructive way. 

In some homes anger is not permitted and this can result in repressed anger. It was unsafe to show it in childhood, so it had to be repressed with the fight, freeze or submit response. Many people in that situation then go on to hold the ingrained belief that anger is bad and this may lead to it being expressed in inappropriate or destructive ways. It may only come out when people are under the influence of drugs or alcohol or when they are triggered in some way and then it can be an all-encompassing, overwhelming emotion which is unshakeable in that moment and can continue for some time.

Many people will feel guilt or shame when they start to feel anger.

Displaced Anger

When anger is displaced, it means that it is directed away from it’s genuine source/cause towards another person or an object. Also known as misplaced anger, the genuine source of the anger is generally rooted in childhood and as a coping mechanism developed at that time, the person learns to manage their anger by either directing inwards towards themselves or towards an undeserving other as this feels safer. When the focus of an individual’s misplaced anger is their partner or family member it can cause major issues in relationships. 

Triggers to Anger

We may find that we are triggered to anger if we are in a situation which reminds us of previous times we have been hurt. Physical and emotional clues that we have been triggered are shallow breathing, hyperventilation, holding the breath, obsessive thinking, a response which is disproportional to the event, 0-to-60 reactions, muscle tension – especially in the shoulders and chest and jumping to conclusions or catastrophising.

Understanding and Expressing Anger

Anger Iceberg

The Anger Iceberg reminds us that when we are feeling angry we are often protecting ourselves from other emotions. Anger is a useful tool as it is full of energy which helps us to act and it keeps others away from us. It can help with our self-awareness to identify which feelings may be below the surface.

Sometimes out emotions can be likened to an onion – to get to the root of the anger we need to get through the layers and see what feelings are underlying.